A thought I had many times in preparing for this trip was that by returning to the places I grew up in and the people who've known me longest, I would gain some insight into where I came from. This would in turn give me some much needed direction on where I'm going next. to have had the opportunity to see my roots according to old friends has been a wonderful thing. They see the strength in me, the confidence, the drive. Some see that these things are weakened now but that they are still there. To know that they can still see and feel these characteristics in me that I've felt so devoid of has given me strength again. Has begun to restore some of my lost confidence and is making me want to be driven again.
I can feel the old Kate, the one they see and know, waking up. Stirring a little. Stretching stiff limbs and testing unused muscles. I want to warm her up. Open the curtains for her and let in a little of the sunshine Ian has left me with. I want her to come blinking back out into the day. I know she is the only one who can give me the strength and the courage to make it through these months and make me come out whole at the other end. She can give me a buzz and a high for life again. Can make me passionate again. Can strip away my accumulated layers of apathy. Can open my eyes again. She is the perfect drug.
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